The MRI

The night before the MRI, it is very hard to sleep. There are so many things running through my mind. I want to--and do--trust God to be there for us. But at the same time, my memory keeps bringing up things in the past and my anxious mind plays through "what MIGHT happen". I know much of it is while my body is exhausted and trying to sleep, so it seems worse than it really is.

As soon as Justin finishes his MRI, we walk over to the cancer center, where they are waiting to see us with the results. There are three main options; the doctor will flip out and say, "IT'S GONE! There's no sign of the cancer!" Or, he might say, "there is no change." Or, he might say, "I'm sorry to inform you, but it is getting worse."
The first two I can live with! But the third one is frightening. Might there be a recurrence of the seizures? That would mean no more driving and probably no more job. I can live with that because Justin is my son and I will take good care of him. But I hurt for him when he can't do the things he would like to do. To take away a man's ability to drive is very difficult for him. It is hard to be dependent on others to get to where you need to be, and impossible to get out because you just plain want to. No more hopping in the car and going for a drive because you feel like it. And no more errands on your own schedule. It is very hard.

So the night before his MRI, I tried to sleep and did not have much success. Initially I slept a few hours, then woke and couldn't get back to sleep. Then I felt pressured because I have to drive 120 miles each way and didn't want to drive tired. My mind churned over and over with all sorts of unknown situations. I finally fell asleep, only to have my alarm go off an hour or so later. Ugh.

Justin's MRI went well, although the wait was much longer than usual. They got the IV in on the first try, which is a blessing! We walked to the radiation oncology center and they called us right back. The doctor came in and shook our hands, and made some small talk. Then he got right to it. "Well, I don't see any changes. Everything looks good. How long has it been since your last MRI?" So we discussed how long to wait until the next one, and I told him about the thyroid appointments. He said he'd like to see us in three months again.

Wow. Good news again. And are we thankful! Up until that time, we are wound up really tight. As soon as we digest the news, all the pressure is released and we feel tremendous relief. Then I could sleep for 24 hours!...but have that drive back home.

This time I had a dentist appointment to recheck my January root canal. Thank goodness everything was fine.