The MRI

The night before the MRI, it is very hard to sleep. There are so many things running through my mind. I want to--and do--trust God to be there for us. But at the same time, my memory keeps bringing up things in the past and my anxious mind plays through "what MIGHT happen". I know much of it is while my body is exhausted and trying to sleep, so it seems worse than it really is.

As soon as Justin finishes his MRI, we walk over to the cancer center, where they are waiting to see us with the results. There are three main options; the doctor will flip out and say, "IT'S GONE! There's no sign of the cancer!" Or, he might say, "there is no change." Or, he might say, "I'm sorry to inform you, but it is getting worse."
The first two I can live with! But the third one is frightening. Might there be a recurrence of the seizures? That would mean no more driving and probably no more job. I can live with that because Justin is my son and I will take good care of him. But I hurt for him when he can't do the things he would like to do. To take away a man's ability to drive is very difficult for him. It is hard to be dependent on others to get to where you need to be, and impossible to get out because you just plain want to. No more hopping in the car and going for a drive because you feel like it. And no more errands on your own schedule. It is very hard.

So the night before his MRI, I tried to sleep and did not have much success. Initially I slept a few hours, then woke and couldn't get back to sleep. Then I felt pressured because I have to drive 120 miles each way and didn't want to drive tired. My mind churned over and over with all sorts of unknown situations. I finally fell asleep, only to have my alarm go off an hour or so later. Ugh.

Justin's MRI went well, although the wait was much longer than usual. They got the IV in on the first try, which is a blessing! We walked to the radiation oncology center and they called us right back. The doctor came in and shook our hands, and made some small talk. Then he got right to it. "Well, I don't see any changes. Everything looks good. How long has it been since your last MRI?" So we discussed how long to wait until the next one, and I told him about the thyroid appointments. He said he'd like to see us in three months again.

Wow. Good news again. And are we thankful! Up until that time, we are wound up really tight. As soon as we digest the news, all the pressure is released and we feel tremendous relief. Then I could sleep for 24 hours!...but have that drive back home.

This time I had a dentist appointment to recheck my January root canal. Thank goodness everything was fine.

My Monthly Update

I'm getting pretty bad at blogging. I had a blog years ago and gave it up because I got tired of thinking of something new to write about. But because of the content of the beginning of this blog, I want to see it through.

A week in Atlanta was just what I needed. It was great to be there and see my southern family. If it were a little closer or a little cheaper, I would love to go more often. This is Josh dropping me off at the airport, on his way back to work. It was wonderful to see him and Hannah again.

Now it is October, and we are gearing up for fall and winter. When the house went up for sale, we had two families look at the house right away. And since then, not one person has shown any interest. It will be interesting to see what happens. I hate moving in the winter, but then I hate moving any time. I am not looking forward to that, but I try not to think about it much.

Justin had his appointment to find out about his thyroid. There has been very little change in 18 months, which is good. However, the hospital here wants him to see the surgeon and the endocrinologist, to get their approval to let him have any surgery or treatment in Iowa City. Funny thing, though. He can't get in to see the endocrinologist until mid-January. Guess they are not in that big of a hurry, or else their doctor is swamped with work. At least we are reminded it is not an emergency.

This Wednesday is the MRI we have been waiting for. If the MRI shows the cancer is stable, they will let him go longer before the next one. Part of me is excited that they are confident of the slow growth of the cancer, but the mommy in me would rather go more often, just to be on the safe side. And this time, his appointment isn't first thing in the morning, so we don't have to leave home at the crack of dawn. Yea!

While we are in Iowa City, I get to return to the dental college to have a recheck on my root canal. I can still "feel" my tooth, which is weird since the root canal is supposed to kill the nerves. So I am not sure what the outcome will be. If I do have to get it done again, I will just bite the bullet and have it done near home...I don't want them to mess up my crowns again. I would trust them to do great work on any of my other teeth, but they don't have the tools to work on ceramic crowns. I'm still paying off my bill from their mistake.

We've had an inch of snow already, so the weather bug in me is gearing up for the winter...I know I'm not normal, but I love snow, snowstorms and the renewal that happens when the winter is over. It's part of the normal process of seasons, and I try to enjoy each one.